I was hovering on the edge of a meltdown when a dear friend invited me for a Spring Break getaway to the Oregon Coast. I eagerly packed a small suitcase with books, paper, pens, sage, sweetgrass, a candle, a gourd statue of my Grandmother Goddess, some clothes and toiletries. The house that held us for four days wrapped me up in a retreat-like setting. Wedged between the Necanicum River and the Pacific Ocean, it was a place of rest and renewal. I set up an altar in my temporary bedroom; each evening and morning offering prayers on the sweet smoke of sage and sweetgrass. I walked along the edge of the Earth’s salty cauldron, playing with seaweed, dancing in and out of the water, gazing at mussel and crab shells. I held the star-shaped innards of sand dollars in my hands. I examined the rust-colored algae of a red tide. I walked to where the ocean met the river and marveled at the miracle of salty sea meeting fresh water. Waves from two directions melding into each other while black and white sea birds took advantage of a free ride. Michael Franti provided the soundtrack for my trip, his soothing voice singing, “And when the rain falls down, you know the flowers are gonna bloom. And when the hard times come, you know the teacher’s in the room. And when the sun comes up, you know that I’ll be there for you. Don’t let it go. Oh, no. Just have a little faith in me. I’ll have a little faith in you.” I imagined his words flowing from the heart of the Beloved directly to my own. If I can have a little faith in God, God will have faith in me. Co-creators in this glorious world.
Several months ago, I was lying in bed, drifting into sleep when I heard a voice from deep inside myself. It said, “Let me be written upon your page.” And at the same time that this was a prayer from me to God. I knew this was also a prayer from God to me. The message continues to be revealed in all the tiny ways God speaks. The songs of a socially-active musician, the briney soup of ocean, my footprints in the sand, sea birds on a wave, my pen across the page.
Just before leaving for the beach, I reached into my bowl of tarot cards and grabbed a deck for the trip. I had planned to carry along cards of Goddess symbology, but instead my fingers landed on the “Vision Quest Tarot” by Gayan S. Winter and Jo Dose. Cards rich in Native American symbology and cosmology. One evening, after dinner, the cards found their way to the dining room table and an enlightening evening of intuitive wisdom filled our little retreat house. Two cards were drawn for me and while one was all about emotional pain, attachment, romance, and surrender . . . the other, the first card’s compliment, reminded me that I am already what I seek. It relayed a message of simply being and in relishing in the present moment my creativity and strength will rise to the surface and be revealed in the world.
So, here I am. Back home in my living room, clouds and rain outside my windows, and the peace, relaxation, and memory of the ocean rests inside of me. When all those little water droplets surrender to the ocean they follow the currents and land on the shore where their beauty can be witnessed in the pulsing energy of a crashing wave.